Everyone told me this day would come, but, I somehow couldn't believe it would actually happen to Clayton. My oldest son starts Kindergarten this week and it's taken me by surprise that the day is actually here.
We got back from a long Labor Day weekend at the lake house tonight. As we were unpacking the car, some mosquitoes must have snuck their way into Clayton's bedroom. After he should have been asleep, he came to me to say that they were biting him and he needed help. So, I climbed onto his bunk bed to swat them away. Once we were successful, he asked if I could cuddle with him for a few minutes as he fell asleep. Of course, I couldn't possibly deny this request and I suspect that he was feeling a little insecure about his first day, although he wasn't willing to admit it. So, I snuggled with him for a few minutes and then told him it was time for me to check on the baby. However, he told me that he wasn't going to let me go, and I thought, "No, I'm not going to let you go."
It was then that Brenden popped his head up and told Clayton that it was time for him to go downstairs. I asked why he was going to go and Brenden laughed and told me that I was doing a great job of hiding since he was about to go downstairs to find me. During the rest of the time I was trying to cuddle with Clayton before he started his new adventure as a Kindergartner, Brenden proceeded to throw toys at us and yell, "I got you good!" Apparently, he was disguised as a toy-throwing-ninja-monster.
Eventually, it was time for both boys to go to sleep so I went downstairs to recant tonight's events in the journal that I have been keeping for Clayton since before he was born. I wanted to capture the moment that as I was looking around his room, while holding him, and noticing that though the decor has changed, the nail marks from the stars for the original nursery theme remained. Adam and I had perhaps been overzealous when decorating the nursery. We were afraid these little paper-thin wooden stars would slip off the wall and fall on our baby and so we nailed them to the wall using several nails each. Really, a piece of tape might have been sufficient. Something about the change in the room, and the change in the boy, made me realize that even though the appearance may be different, the room, and the boy are still the same. He is still the same reflection of his father, his arms look like miniature versions of mine, and his personality has always been right on the edge of his sleeve.
Once I was done writing my thoughts in his journal, I turned the page and realized that was it. I had just written on the last available page. Sob, sob, sob. Obviously, at this point, I was a wreck, and Adam couldn't figure out what was the big deal about me completing Clayton's baby journal on the night before he starts Kindergarten. Is there really anything else that I need to say about that?? I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to get through the rest of this week, furthermore the next 13 years. A friend of mine recently told me, "If one of the hardest things we'll have to do is 'let go' we have it good. What an honor to send our babies out into the world." and I'm going to try to hold on to those thoughts for this moment.
